SCRaTCH PaPeR

It's funny how I want to throw my life away a couple of weeks ago...just like a scratch paper.

I was just being a brat that day, just saying I don't want that, I want this!...frustrated, I typed into the keyboard my tantrum, my petitions, my wants! I complained before my life. When in fact my life is in the need of complaining about me.

I have realized that when you give time to things, give time to yourself, to your surroundings and to people, eventually you will come to a point of acceptance. Adaptation.

Yes, you don't always get what you want, but that doesn't mean you will not get it also. You just can't have it instantly sometimes. It's not always serve on a silver platter...mind you, and mind me..haha. The key is perseverance (and sometimes taming your inner selfishness).

Things that you want are sometimes too valuable that circumstances won't just allow it to be given away for free. No, it must be paid, a high price. It will cost you time.

I was being stupid being angry to those people warning me, don't do that, don't do this....they're not acting to boss you around but because they care for your credibility and integrity loss in some stupid things that I posts. Giving it time, I've realize I'm the one at fault. Thank you.

If my life is like a paper, probably it may have a couple of crumples spread to the whole paper, some little torn around the corner, blots and stains but even though it may not look too clean, and look frayed, I would still try to smoothed the crumples that I made, erase the blots, and try to clean the stains...if within my effort they will still leave a mark, well I guess that's how I have live my life....better be worn than stay clean, prim and blank.

TrUE cOLOrS

- red - orange - yellow - green - blue - indigo - violet -


Now I will let you see my true colors shining through....the darkness inside of me...

EXTROVERT - Most people believe that an extrovert is a person who is friendly and outgoing. While that may be true, that is not the true meaning of extroversion. Basically, an extrovert is a person who is energized by being around other people. This is the opposite of an introvert who is energized by being alone. (by about.com, click EXTROVERT for a more detailed definition)

Being extrovert seems to be my cure and my sickness, it's a sickness in the sense that I need people, people for me are like my batteries, if i don't see them often i get weak...i need a constant conversation to sustain my energy. talk, chat, communication i need those to survive....During college it's abundant, after college it's dwindling. Now I need recharge.

The downside about this is that, if it continues to be like this, i can end up jobless...because being in a job that has so much dense atmosphere and seriousness can suffocate me. It's like poison.

..but being extrovert...i like it. 'coz i really enjoy being with the people i like.

PROCRASTINATOR -to put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness. If you want to know more ten more thing about procratinators click on this link Procrastination: 10 things to know. I tell you it's really accurate for me except for number 5 maybe, but for the rest...i can say "are they describing me?" haha

This is really another sickness...the definition of the word can define for it self that this really is a major major society problem. For me, it seems I'm really not used to finishing things quickly, it must have a definite time to finish, and it must not be quick... and within that "definite time" i tire..so i end up doing things half done. And there's something about finishing a project that's so uncanny, it's just feels like, a rush, an end. i don't know, weird.

CONCEITED -Holding or characterized by an unduly high opinion of oneself; vain. Having an excessively favorable opinion of one's abilities. haha I've gotta laugh, this is really true. haha
I can always caught myself in this situation, feeling valuable, important, giving so much pride to what I've done, thinking I'm one of a kind...how conceited can you get! haha

I do believe that there's a thin line between confidence and arrogance, and I bet mine is thinner...haha. I can only see one cure, humility. If a conceited person finds his match in a humble person, conceited people always lose 'coz humble people has nothing more to lose.

GOOD FOR NOTHING - my too perfect ideas. The thoughts that I can change the world, do better things, help the poor , the needy. "I like to tutor for free for the orphans" "Serve some relief goods to the evacuees". It should be like this, it should be like that, we should do this, and do that. My lines...and my lines suck.

Why it suck? because i don't do them, i always be at the planning stage, the starting stage, the directors stage. Always blurting out ideals, ideals that never brought in action. That's why it's good for nothing.

FLUKE - in the san diego, ca 92114 area a fluke can be the action of saying you are going to do somthing, or something you call a person a who says they are going to do something, and they make you think they really are and then they up and change their mind about doing it and dont do it.

Yeah, when i get to happy i end up doing this. promises promises. What a fluke!

2 things to remember: don't speak when your angry and don't promise when your happy.

LOUD - oh yes without a doubt I'm the loudest one of the group. If being loud is a crime then I'm guilty. wari-na

.....and lasty....

a GENIUS - haha well you can say this is a joke but it's not...sorry to disappoint youc'coz actually I believe I am you can say that I'm lying but I'm not, 'coz you've never have a wind up trip to my brain. Having no proof that I'm not a genius, then I can freely claim that I am!

though I'm self denying it really...

...and by this I rest my case...

BORED..- O -

bored is Boredom...do I have yo exlplain any further???

can it get duller than this... I know I've chosen to wait and postpone my plans until next year, but it really is different if your pursuing your dream...life gets dull because you think its boring because it's not interesting and monotonous..unlike living your dream, everyday must be a realization of what was once imagined and on the process of coming true...

my life now is not half bad...it's not even whole bad... it's just dull...

so I've realized...

It's much better to be stuck with something you risked for than be stuck because you chose to be stuck...

SiNgLe giRL

i NEVER rEALLy InTENded TO wRITE a bLOg aBOUT tHiS sONG oR EVeN pLANNed TO wRite abOUT THE aRTiSt, IT jUST haPPENS ThAT wHiLe i wAS SeARchiNG aBoUT tEAM aZKALS i StUMBLEd ON tHIS viDeo iNsteaD.

ofCOUrSE i HaVE ThE oPTioN tO dISREGard iT And BrAND iT aS aN iRReLEvaNT but sOMeTHiNG iN tHIs viDeO mADE mE tHINK tWICE.

iT's iNTRIGUING.

FiRST: iT'S tHE vIDEO iTSelf, i LoVe tHE poRTrAyaL OF tHE mAN bEHiND tHE LyRICS. tHE bRILLiANT uSE oF pROpS, fROM tHe ChalK DraWiNg tO tHE reeLS oF cASSETTE tAPES, tHE DrAMA cUT fROM tHE piCNiC maT, ouTLinINg tHE sKippinG rOPE, tHE fOLiagE oF LeAVes tO tHE blAcK siLHOUeTTe wAS fOR mE a woRK oF aRT.

SeConD: iT wAS tHE aRTiST, heR beAUtY, heR voIcE, tHE dResSeS aND gOSH i wAS sTuNNed hOW hIgH tHoSE hiLLs wAS! pLUS, tHE pIAnO wAS noT juST a pROPs sHE wAS pLAyiNG iT! tHE SettING waS aLSo wISELy cHoSEn, nOT tOO mUCH LiGHT aND HaVE a tOUcHED oF wARmNeSS.

THiRD: iT wAS tHE mELoDY aND tHE LyRICS. tHE fIRsT sTAnZa iT reMiNdeD mE oF tHE sONG sAMSON, aND tHE rEST i tHINK i hEArD fROM sOME oTHeR tRAcKs, buT wHaT cAUGHT mY inTErEST waS tHIS wORdS.

""But God keeps lying
God keeps lying
saying this is for the best and nothing here is wrong""

fOR sOME reASONs i hAVE sMILED as i hEARD tHIS pHRasE..(wow.iT tAkES a LoT oF eFFoRT tO tELL tHAT tO GoD sTRAiGHTfORwaRdLy i gOTTa hANd iT tO hER.)
wHAT waS rEALLy aMUSiNg waS tHAT soME oF tHE wORDS eXPReSSed abOVE wAS meNTiONeD dUrING oUR vERY vERY sHORT cONVERsATiONs wITH mY fWeNDHIP bEfORE i hAVe eVER eNcOUNTER tHiS ViDeO.

wE weRE jUSt tALKiNG aBOuT cRUsHES, eXPeRIeNCES aND tHe LikES, aND tHeN sHE sAID, mAYBE GoD wAS doiNG sOMEtHING tO cUT sHORT tHE mOMEnTS wItH hER aND heR cRUsHES , eiTHEr He tRANSfERS tHEM tO oTHER sCHOOLs, a SEnIOR aNd gRaDUaTeD aHEAd OF uS, oR jUST gONE, loST aND nOT yET fOUND. oFCoURSe i smiRK aT tHE iDeA... iT waS toO fUNNY tO bE tRUE....aND wHERE oN eARTH dID sHE gET tHOSE iDeAS!:D
gIVEN wE weRE iNfRONT oF tHE dAVAO mENTAL hOSPITAL i cOULD hAVE sHOVE hER sTRAIGHT inSiDe aND bE aDMITTED aS: hAVe dELUsIONAL tENdENCIES.
.AnYwAY, siNCe mt. sInAI waS tO fAR aCrOsS tHE ocEAN sO i jUST sAID "fWEnDsHIP, mAYBE GoD iS doiNg thAT fOR yOUr oWN gOOD"...

weLL aS a cONcLUsION mAYBE iF fWENDsHIP wAS rEaLLy nOT iN hER rIgHT miNd mAYBE hER aNsWER woULd bE;

"But God keeps lying
God keeps lying
saying this is for the best and nothing here is wrong"".

...and tHaNkfULLY sHE dID'nt, tHAt gOT hER oFF tHE hOOk...haha ^^

mE & fWenDsHip

IF yOU wANt tO wATcH tHE viDeO juST cLick oN tHE Link:
sINGLe giRL by Laura Jansen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z39bAMeGM9Y&feature=fvwrel

Blogger or Booger?

Blogging, this is one issue I want to put on hot seat today because I'm sitting with this issue since way past time.If you ask me if I want to blog, the answer is "yes". And if you ask me if i don't want to blog, the answer is also "yes". Hmmm complicated isn't it? Anyway I'm complicated myself so why should this blog be any better. haha

Yes, I want to write a blog, words just want to flow from my veins, and its swimming in my brain which always delay me when I'm in the restroom..haha good news mom! now you know! peace! ^^)v

And No I don't want to because I'm afraid and thought its just plain useless...
Afraid because I would appear dumb than the other bloggers, they write smarter things, they look smart and they talk smart. I'm afraid to seem dumb to everybody who is reading this because of grammatical errors, wrong phrasing and wrong spellings. So maybe I would like to use this moment to say, yes I'm partially dumb.^^
I'm not always be right, but I'm not always be wrong. wouldn't I?


Hmmm now that its over with, you know my fears and know that I'm dumb, so maybe I will not explain myself to you in the near future when you spot those irregularities.
Now to the plain useless thing. You see, I'm really having this a thought, why would I post and make an effort to write anything that will not really have anything to do in your life but only in mine. Isn't that sound kinda useless already, right?
So why do this bloggers still cover there life interests?
and they're still doing it until now and then...
but...I envy them.

I envy them because they just don't care.
They just want to be heard and want it out loud.
They are not afraid.
While me on the other leg, just curling up, putting my ideas on a little niche, taking care of them but not letting them get into the wild. How would anybody know what I feel, what I want, what I saw, hear, touch and experience? their are no witnesses. No spectators. Just me and my niche. Alone. Dull. Very dull and rusting.


So now, I'm getting wilD! haha I'm making my own safari, my niche will be set free. Because I'm a free being and so is my imagination, ideas and thoughts. I would still be enjoying the privacy of my thoughts but some will jump across the boards.^^

Hoping that this blog will not be alone and have some readers, 'coz that's what blogs are made for. It is to be public,publish, and read.



Hope you enjoy the following blogs too!




Be not be afraid. ^^) \m/






-dk_r-